In the Weeds

When I was working in commercial kitchens and someone would say about a server: "They're in the weeds," it usually meant that person was in trouble. Yesterday I rode my triathlon-ready, tricked-out bike up to Hawk Island Park for the pre-race open swim in the lake. I pulled on my wetsuit, cap, and goggles, and felt a little like a badass standing at the water's edge...then I put my face in to start swimming and I knew that I was in trouble, too.

Like an uncontrollable knee-jerk, my entire body convulsed and I found myself back-paddling to get as far away from those creepy weeds on the bottom of the lake as I could. I panted, trying to get my breath back. I tried again- same body response. Maybe if I try with  my eyes closed? I did, and got about 100 yards away from shore, but then snuck a peek and freaked again, retreating finally to dry land. I sat on my carefully laid-out transition towel among my race things: shoes, bike helmet, race belt, sunglasses...and I mulled over my newest and largest obstacle.

Despite my intense fear of water where I cannot see the bottom (which I have had since childhood), I have to complete tomorrow's race. 24 hours from now, I will be a triathlete, something I never thought I would do when I was diagnosed with kidney disease, when I was doing dialysis, or when I was struggling to recover after my transplant in 2009. This is why I have trained for this race in the first place- to face fears and to overcome them.