Credit Where Credit is Due

I often spend a little more time contemplating in the fall...I go over the events of the summer, visiting each trip or special day in succession before I pack the memories away for the winter. This summer I completed one sprint-distance triathlon, one 1-mile swim in Lake Michigan, 1 DragonBoat race, 5-5K's and my first 8K road race to date. This past weekend, I finally allowed myself to truly feel the satisfaction I have been opting out of for four long months as I crossed the finish line at the Playmaker's Autumn Classic.

I think what was different was that I had a touch of confidence I don't remember carrying into any other event all year long- I've always had a bit of fear in the back of my mind that if I push too hard, I might get hurt. I try very hard not to focus on being a kidney transplant recipient, but killing that little negative voice that tells me I can't be as good or as fast as other athletes because of my physical background is difficult to silence.

A few weeks ago I was talking with a fellow Playmaker's teammate about my struggles with running, and I mentioned my transplant. He shared that he had had heart surgery, and asked me if I was worried I would injure my body, and was that what was holding me back from going all-out on the race course? I carefully considered his questions for weeks- yeah, I guess I was holding back, and of course, as usual, fear was the root of my withheld potential.

I consistantly learn ways to move through my fears, be it on Race Day or in my Every Day. Just when I think I've got it beat, there it is again, popping up in my mental landscape and giving me reasons to doubt myself. I learned a big lesson about how to leave fear behind as I stepped across the finish line last weekend, and I placed yet even more distance between us as I realized I have so much further to go.