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02/07/2012

The Card

While staying with friends, I noticed a card taped to the wall across from the toilet in their bathroom. It said 'fear keep us from doing many things we dream of in life'. The card went on to give examples of excuses we use, like having no time, money, or experience, and how to live our dreams we must dispel fear, and expect more of ourselves. I have thought about that card and what it said for 2 weeks now.

I found out about an opportunity to visit a far-away country, very possibly a life-changing experience, just a day ago, and I thought about the card. I have very slim resources: no cash, not very much time, no passport, and of course a great big ugly sack of F-E-A-R that I drag around, too- all of which seem perfectly valid reasons to abandon my attempts to go on this trip. I don't really see how it would be possible for me to go- yet, if someone handed me the $3K this trip will cost, would I buy that plane ticket? Even less can I see myself totally committing to fund-raising for myself- what if I came up with the money in time? Then I would have no reason not to go- except being afraid.

Fear is an amazing motivator- even as a young child, I would beg my mom to let me sleep over at friends' houses with all the other girls, and every time I would call her in the middle of the night: "Please Mom, can you come get me?" As an adult, I have struggled with fear quite a bit- if my husband was working late or was out of town I'd have to drive 20 miles to my mom's house so I wouldn't have to sleep alone in an empty house. Now, fear is motivating me to stay put, do nothing, and let this Costa Rica trip slide on by- fear is convincing me that I don't really need to see volcanoes or waterfalls, or meditate on white sand beaches.

It exists everywhere, this extremely convincing fearfulness- and it does keep us from our dreams. For some, it keeps us from even living, much less living our dreams...And yet we find some way to let go of our desparate grasp on our lives, and let things simply unfold...an act of fearlessness in itself...this does not mean that we stand by and refuse ownership of our situations, it means we strive to expect more from ourselves.

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Anna,
Don't let the fear hold you back! Even if you don't make the 3k for the trip, it would be a fun experience to try. I bet you can make it happen. You are pretty resourceful.

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Anna Kaschner

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