Dating After Divorce

Are you divorced and getting back into the dating scene? Having trouble? Are you a little rusty at approaching women/men? Well, we can't help you, but we'd love to hear your story (if you're between 21-35) for a story that we're doing at Noise.

If you're interested, please contact Christian at 702-4239 or christian@lansingnoise.com.

Comments

[Norm Viaches]

Being divorced and now remarried myself, as well as my vast experience and contact with divorced people in hosting the Singles Nite Life party at Hawk Hollow for the past ten years, I can testify that there is life after divorce. I’d like to offer some advice to the newly divorced. DON’T rush to start dating or seek another relationship. Time, and how you spend that time, is the biggest factor in successful healing from a failed relationship. It is also a crucial factor in preparing you for more meaningful future relationships.

Typically, newly divorced people aimlessly drift into one of two extremes. Most (like me) end up visiting both before returning to reality. The “party animal” extreme, where you live and party like there’s no tomorrow, quickly fades. The party is over. You’re burned out, you crash, and you bury yourself in work, returning to school, or whatever. This is when you’ve entered the “reclusive” extreme. You increasingly avoid social activities and your entertainment is limited to the new releases at the local video rental. It feels safe and is most likely where you will stay, unless someone or something intervenes to coax you out of it.

Gloomy as all this sounds, it is avoidable! Take the first year following a divorce to focus your efforts on expanding your social circle of friends. Look for activities to enjoy with larger groups of people. Many gender-diverse singles activity groups are available such as singles dances, church groups, common-interest clubs, sports leagues, dance clubs, etc. The larger your circle of friends and activities, the more “pressure-free” opportunities you’ll have to meet members of the opposite sex. The more members of the opposite sex you meet, the more you’ll start to discover exactly what it is you are looking for in a future relationship. Then you’ll be ready to date.

[Kerri Tang]

I noticed the people who write for Noise are younger (and I'm not....turned 60 this yr), and I am surprised at the knowledge this person has for her comments about dating after divorce. I was divorced at 30, and know what that is like........and she's right on. Don't date for a yr, even counselors will tell you, you need a yr of "mourning". A person that's been through a divorce needs to get back to being their true self, and liking "you". You also have to get rid of the baggage from that last relationship, and get your mind clear on what went wrong and get it fixed. Then, don't frequent bars looking for that "dream date". It will happen if it's going to happen. Don't try to MAKE it happen, that isn't real or geniune. I found my husband through a blind date, my best friend, and his best friend were dating. We dated 5 yrs before marrying (important), and we loved each other as our best friend, long before we "fell" in love. If this stage doesn't happen, that person is not for you. We've been married 25 yrs and it's as wonderful now, as it was those first five yrs. Our trust is strong, we didn't try to change the other person one bit (important), and we've always been honest (something that didn't happen in the last relationship for both of us (important). Girls.....don't go into a marriage thinking you will change them afterwards. That isn't fair to them, and it also means you don't really LIKE who they are, and love DOESN'T fix that. Good luck women!

[pm]

I am "middle aged", 50, and been divorced now 12 years.I have been to Hawk Hollow, and those single places, don't do bars, don't do married men, so that leaves work or church or the grocery store. so far, nada. I am not an ogar, and actually, people consider me attractive, so what's the proble? oh wait, let me get back to this, there is a new release at the video store,,,and guess what else, I am on line typing on a blog! go figure I haven't met anyone! that was "tongue in cheek' folks, just in case you thought I was taking all this too seriously.
Just live your life, have fun and some day that person will come into your life when you least expect it. Just keep your heart open.

[pmm]

regarding that last comment, what I meant to say was "what is the problem?" left out a letter. EUREKA! that is why I haven't met a guy, they hate bad spellers!

[Haywood]

I might have a theory as to why you're still looking.